WHAT THE FWARG?!

emotions are dumb

sent my mom this email today and realized it’s stuff like this that probably stops her from asking about my love life

sent my mom this email today and realized it’s stuff like this that probably stops her from asking about my love life

yea mom, we’re totally facetiming because I wanna show you something and not because I know the dog is sitting on your lap

Phone conversations with my mom

  • Mom: I was hanging out with my friend Julie and she was supposed to pick up her 15 year old son.
  • Mom: But she was running a little late. So he calls her and just starts railing on her 'Mom, it's 5:20 and you were supposed to be here at 5:10. WHERE ARE YOU?!' He had such an attitude!
  • Mom: Anyway, it just made me think—
  • Me: How grateful you are that you had an overall sensible and pleasant teenager?
  • Mom: —how terrible teens are. Like, you were a fucking nightmare.
  • Mom: Anyway, gotta go to this meeting. Love you! Bye!

The realization, perhaps a minute before you would’ve finally put your phone down to attempt sleep, as your mind’s humming is distracted by a kind of nascent drowsiness that has found its way into your lids—you remember with regretful and startled awakedness.

"I didn’t take out my fucking contact lenses."