Inventory #344: Knit cap
REGARDING IMAGINING A HIDEOUS MAN
The man holds a ruby in his hand, shows everyone at the table how shiny it is. The man keeps an eye on the people who seem especially impressed—are they going to take the jewel? The conversation starts many places but always ends on the ruby. Red is a strong color, so I walked through the fire effortlessly. The man fears his dinner guests are not listening, so he reminds them again that he is the hero.
YEP this is the reason I can’t buy boots that don’t stand up on their own. The strug is 2real.
yesterday, I wore thick socks over tights and they still fell down.
in their defense, I wore them with black jeans this weekend and they were A+ while I was a drunk ass
Life hack: they serve capri suns at bars if you ask nicely
Nope, I was lying. It doesn’t make economic sense for bars to carry children’s juice pouches. Follow for more disillusionment.
Q:can you teach us your back and neck yoga?!
How about I tell it to/explain it you? I don’t want to try and “teach” anyone and then use improper form and also I really don’t want to film myself doing yoga.
I do about 8-10 exercises regularly but I’m going to list my four favorites, When I get home after work, my neck and lower spine always feels so much better after doing these in particular.
In this stretch, you want to get into the hands and knees position.
1) First, slowly bring out one arm in front of you until it is parallel to the floor and then bring it back in.
2) Second, gently drag (pointing your toe slightly) one of your legs behind you and then raise it until it is fully stretch and parallel to the floor. Bring it back in.
When you feel comfortable with these positions, you’ll begin doing both at once.
Lift up your right arm and your left leg simultaneously and slowly extend them outwards from your body like you did in 1) and 2). Hold for a second.
Repeat with your left arm and right leg.
You can do this stretch five to ten times on each side.
Cat (top): From your hands and knees position, slowly roll your pelvis forwards to arch your back and stick your butt out.
Camel bottom: Roll your pelvis back as if to tuck your rear end under arch your back.
Repeat 5 times.
Bridging with Neutral Spine
Lay on your back with arms to your sides, bend your legs while keeping your feet flat on the floor.
I don’t know how to explain this if you’ve never done yoga or stretching but you want to find a position (you can slightly vary how close your knees are to your body and how far your legs are) in which you feel the most flat—in which your body connects with the floor and your spine feels straight.
If you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about, don’t…try this one. I am hoping some of you understand my explanation.
From a comfortable “neutral” spine position, you want to exhale as you lift your hips toward the ceiling. Hold this for a few seconds and then slowly lower your butt back down to the ground.
There are modifications to this (which you can find online) but I don’t want to get too fancy.
This one is my favorite but maybe the hardest to explain.
1. Sit in a chair with the whole bottom of your foot touching the ground.
2. Scoot forward until just the tip of your butt is on the chair but you are still stable.
3. Spread your legs comfortably and have your toes face outward.
4. Slowly roll your shoulders back (imagine trying to hold a pencil between your blades). When you roll them back, your chest should come up too.
There are two variations from here. Either, as you roll your shoulders, move the palms of your hands outward so they’re facing away from your body and you place them on your knees. Make sure your fingers are nicely spread.
Or you can face your palms outwards, fingers spread but let your arms fall to your sides.
5. With your shoulders back and your palms out, focus on a point on the wall in front of you. Now bring your chin back as if you are trying to give yourself the most epic double chin of your life (do not bring your chin downwards towards your chest).
6. Hold for ~30 seconds (or whatever is comfortable).
I’ve looked online and it seems like there are a lot of variations.
I TOLD MY BOSSES THAT QUIZUP WAS GOING TO BE A BRIEF VIRAL HIT AND WE SHOULD FIGURE OUT A WAY TO CAPITALIZE ON IT but nooooooo, no one wanted to listen and now it is the fastest growing mobile game of all time and I fucking know they’re going to bring up the game in a week and I am going to…keep my cool while imagining a bull disemboweling them.